good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
