I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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