If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
