he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just had sex on a roof
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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