Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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