All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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