I can tuck mytits in my pants
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm determined to sit on that face.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
