i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
