Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You are the jesus of drinking
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize