I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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