I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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