Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize