I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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