the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
