nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
