Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
