Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
