oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
