she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
