epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
