Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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