do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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