Sry I called you an 8
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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