I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
