I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
