No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
