i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
