what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
