So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
