It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
