so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
