Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
