Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
