What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
