sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
