careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
