so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
