WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
