i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
