I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
