3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
