you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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