i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize