Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
