Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and she was petting her beer can
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
