I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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