do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
