Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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