My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
