I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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