May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
