I'm eating all of the evidence.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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