I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the day after is always just damage control
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
