yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
