Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
