If i come over, it means nothing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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