Your tits are I can't wait for
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
