I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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