I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
