i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
