my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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