there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
