well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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