Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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