so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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