I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dicks are not precious.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
