my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
