I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize